I was planning to use another word for this month, but after a few events, I decided that forgiveness made the most sense. I found out some unfortunate news, and at the time, I was devastated by it. After wallowing for a little bit and then being angry, I decided it was time to grow up and get over it. I learned some surprising news about two people that I've cared about very much. At first I kept asking myself, why, why me, how could they do this to me? It was all about me, me, me...but then I realized, this is my problem. It shouldn't always be about me. I learned so many things from this experience. I've learned about love, trust, loyalty, and most of all, forgiveness. I've always thought of myself as being quick to forgive, so this situation was certainly a big test for me. Before I go on I should give the definition...
~typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution
The awesome book that's helped me (besides the Bible of course!)
The part of this definition that sticks out to me the most..."ceasing to demand punishment or restitution". That was a hard pill for me to swallow. I can say I forgive, I can stop being angry, but until I stop seeking restitution, its not complete. This is what I've been working on. I'm no longer angry, sad, or wish ill against either party. In fact, I seriously hope to even mend one of the relationships, but I realize that this person has to want that too (don't worry people, it's not him). I realize that life is bigger than petty things like this. I realize that the person that I was seeing, was completely wrong for me. And while this was possibly the most painful way for me to quit, it was possibly the only thing that would work. So in a way, I'm somewhat grateful. I've learned so much from this experience, and I continue to everyday. I wish the best for all parties involved.
Forgiveness isn't saying what the other person did was "ok". It's letting the action go and moving on without wishing ill towards anyone involved. It's not just for the other person, its for you as well. And as a Christian, I believe that if I can't forgive, then why should Christ forgive me?
I still have a lot to learn, even after an eventful 27 years. This event was possibly one of the biggest yet for me, and in many ways, I'm grateful for it. I pray that one day everything will be resolved, and again, the best happens for everyone.
I am so fortunate to have friends and family that care so much, and a Savior that loves me more than all of them combined.
"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:" Luke 6:37, KJV
Life is beautiful. xo